Rev. Stefanie's Blog

Each year, this time, we gather round, in darkness to behold

The miracle of love we find,within, when it grows cold!

We lift up stories, songs and such, passed down from long ago

Discovering there, reminders of, the truths, that help us grow!

The miracles of Chanukah, of Yule-time fires shared,

Of Jesus born amidst the straw, deserve to be declared!

So as you move into the day, and Winter’s darkest hour,

Commit to hope, commit to love, as life’s most precious power!

(The Rev. Stefanie Etzbach-Dale, 2010)

At the end of yet another productive day filled with back-to-back appointments and errands, a day during which many of the tasks on that rotating to-do list were acknowledged and re-prioritized, I laid my body to rest and found that it could not.

I lay awake, calculating so intensely the next day’s efficiency, that I did not hear the advance and retreat of waves on the dark sand below my window.

I got up to look; to assure myself.

It was during that movement among the shadows of my home that a long-forgotten moment surfaced among those other thoughts.  It was the discovery, years ago, when I most needed it, of a Chinese translation for the word ”busy” – rendered through two characters representing “heart” and “killing”.

Averse to sloth, back then I had prided myself on making the best possible use of my time; staying busy.  As a result, I had stopped feeling the dance of life’s waves on the shores of my heart, and knew its edges to have become cold.   Efficiency had been killing my heart’s receptivity.

The accidental discovery of that translation set about a surge of gratitude, compassion and forgiveness, and a determination to protect the gift of heart.

And so I did, until I fell into busy-ness once again and, at the end of that most recent productive day, strained to hear and celebrate what had been there all along.

It was the desire to hear that released my thoughts, and brought rest.

Imagine that.

The question at the core of our individual collective dilemma is clearly:  who am I, and how am I to be in the world?

It’s not one we ever answer to our full satisfaction since who we are as individuals and as co-creators of the world is constantly changing!

This week I’m preparing a lesson for the group I lead at StepUp, focusing on the complexity of our unique identities, the tendency to want to “categorize” people, and the pain and confusion that is so often caused when we do that (when we make assumptions about people and don’t take the time to allow them to reveal themselves to us).

Participants will be encouraged to think about how they “self-identify” by reflecting upon some of the most common categories (see below) and sharing their experiences.

• Age or age group
• Appearance (Ex: 5’5”, brown hair, green eyes,stocky build, etc.)
• Gender or gender identification
• Sexual Orientation (Ex: heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, etc.)
• Physical Health or ability
• Mental Health or ability
• Social or Economic Status
• Occupation, activities & interests (What you “do)
• Ethnicity (your connection with others in a particular cultural group)
• Nationality (Country of Citizenship)
• Worldview & Values (Ex: political, spiritual, cultural, etc.)
• Relational Identity (Ex: parent, brother, sister, niece, friend, neighbor, etc.)
• Locality (The place with which you most identify – ex: Where you were born, lived, or now live, etc.

What aspects of your identity do you recognize, claim and celebrate?

On Sunday, 10/10/10 I had the honor of officiating the wedding of my nephew and his partner – in the Botanical Gardens overlooking Sydney Harbor, in Australia.

There had been rain and blustery winds in the days prior, prompting quite a bit of concern regarding a “Plan B” for the location. But that morning the sun came out in all its glory, as did the couple’s family and friends (from all over the world). As anticipated, ninety festively attired guests gathered on the lush lawn to bear witness to and support the loving union of these men.

Joining them, one-by-one and somewhat less festively attired, where the passersby – those out for a Sunday morning stroll or jog, who stopped in surprise when they noticed “no bride”.  By the time vows and rings and embraces had been exchanged, the number of witnesses had almost doubled.  As had the the palpable presence of awe and wonder and celebration.

That morning two lives and families joined together.  And that is surely gift enough!

And yet, it was the still presence of those strangers, straining to hear every word spoken and to take in every detail of that unexpected scene, which bears such poignancy for me.

I know that Jason and Robie will live good, meaningful, loving lives. But it is the presence of those “others” I find myself remembering and celebrating; those slowing growing smiles and cheers; that look of finally understanding the breadth of love.

The following question and response were submitted to and printed in the In Theory section of the Burbank Leader,  Vally Sun and Glendale News Press:

Most scripture promotes our careful stewardship of the earth. And yet, apocalyptic religious traditions welcome signs of the “end times” (such as environmental degradation, war, oil spills, etc.), considering it the fulfillment of long-awaited prophecy and the beginning of a new age of peace.    What’s the role of free will in the face of such prophecy?  Should we celebrate these “signs” or try to do something to minimize the violence and destruction? If action is called for, how should we rally together to battle our “compassion fatigue” and heal the world’s wounds?

Given the speed of modern communications technology and the ratings-focused output of news media it is hard not to feel that calamities of all sorts are on the rise.

While earthquakes, fires and storms have always battered the earth and humans have a long and bloody history of poverty, disease and warfare, we are much more likely these days to be confronted with evidence of their destructive power than we would have 100 years ago.

However, with the rise of global economic systems, we are also much more likely to be not only beneficiaries of, but also victims of uncapped greed and corruption – thereby becoming more than mere “witnesses” to unfolding events.  Examples abound, not only in Louisiana.

We are becoming aware, if nothing else, of the ramifications of our insensitivity to the responsibility we bear one another as inhabitants of the earth.

While in the past it may have been possible to read into calamitous events “the will of God” (whether as warning or punishment or for some other mysterious reason), it is becoming increasingly clear (to religious and secular communities) that our individual and collective choices have influenced the world/the future in horrendous ways.

Free will got us in this mess and, I believe, free will is going to have to get us out of it.

If nothing else, celebrating the destruction of this earth or the idea of a “selective salvation” of its inhabitants discounts the precious gift of Life (contributing to suffering and raising real concerns about theologies justifying these things.)

Unitarian Universalists may not be united in their perspectives on God’s will.  But they are united in affirmation of the relationship between our freedom as human beings, and our responsibility to care for one another, the earth, and its creatures.

While compassion fatigue is always a threat (given human limitation and the wounds of the world), freedom allows us to choose with care and integrity the ways in which we each  support the freedoms of others.

The following was written in response to a question posted by the In Theory section of the Valley Sun, Glendale News-Press and Burbank Leader regarding connections between clergy sexual abuse and celibacy.  Do you believe celibacy is the root cause, or could there exist other causes that haven’t been addressed yet?

My understanding of sexual abuse is that it has less to do with desire for sexual contact (whether heterosexual or homosexual) than it does with desire to exert power.

Whenever and wherever sexual abuse occurs, it is a travesty.  When it is enacted upon the youngest, most vulnerable among us, by those entrusted with the care of their souls, it is particularly abhorrent.

I do recognize that celibacy can (when freely chosen) be a valid life choice and/or a vital spiritual practice.

However, I do not consider it necessary in living a spiritual life.  In fact, it removes those who take such vows from grappling with some of the most beautiful and complex of human experiences and relationships – thereby inhibiting one natural avenue toward spiritual growth.

Nor, as indicated, do I believe that celibacy is a “root cause” of sexual abuse.

If hunger for power is indeed at the root of sexual abuse, then all institutions (not just those identifying as religious) would be well served to examine their power/authority structures; to define and insist upon healthy boundaries, rigorous standards of safety and systems of accountability.

Unitarian Universalism, as a covenanted faith, is built upon creating and nurturing environments that are physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe for all – to encourage mutual freedom for each person’s spiritual journey.

Along those lines most of our congregations are actively involved in “Safe Congregation” programs providing:  covenants and codes of ethics; clear procedures, policies and workshops in order to explore the complex social issues of interpersonal violence and abuse; safety and risk management assessment tools; comprehensive sexuality education curricula; and responsible staffing tools.

While these programs do not guarantee that the “unthinkable” will never happen, they do serve as constant reminders of our individual value, worth, and mutual responsibility.